Friday, May 20, 2011

Healthy Update

Hi everyone so I am very disappointed to report that over the winter I have gained all but 10 pounds back.  I know that its good that I was able to keep 10 pounds off but I cannot help feel so disappointed.  I know the areas I did wrong too, basically I did the opposite of what helped me lose 30 pounds before fall last year.  So now I am trying like hell to get back and change things around without messing up this time.  When people say that weight loss is a journey they were not kidding.  I have to re learn how to eat and re think the whole idea of habit too.  Having a habit doesn't mean its a bad one it just means that is how you have done things that were passed onto you through the years.  You're probably even thinking why do I have a cooking channel if I am trying to lose weight ?  Well its because I want a real relationship with food, I want to take all my bad habits and with making healthier choices still be able to do what I love to do and that is cook.  I am not a professional so I probably will have mishaps and make mistakes but if one never makes a mistake they never learn or grow.  I will always love food but I just need to re think it instead of using it as a friend to celebrate things, or comfort or even entertainment.  I am still bound and determined to do this without any medical help but if it comes to that then I will do it.  There is not shame in needing medical help when it comes to weight loss because weather or not you do it through diet and exercise or through surgery you still have to change everything about how you eat and how you live.  So with all that being said I am more determined more than ever to still be around a little long for my girls.  One of my biggest mistakes was intaking too much sodium, even healthy foods have sodium in them.  I love pickles, olives, cheese  and cottage cheese too.  All of those foods have tons of sodium and since I have high blood pressure I have to be so careful about it.  Honestly though it wasnt just pickles and cheese that caused me to gain back 20 pounds.  I know this time what I have to do and I have to set small goals for myself because otherwise I will burn out.  I was burning over 3 thousand calories before and then I got sick of it and stopped.  Now I am lucky if I burn 1 thousand calories a day.  I am so disappointed with myself, I mean I can sit here and think up of all the excuses in the world, my scale doesn't work, its been a stressful year, blah blah blah.  In the end its just me, making the choices good or bad and I need to stop blocking my own progress and I need to stop caring what people think because its not their life its mine.  Now if I can follow my own advice to myself I will be happy.  Yes this blog is egocentric and all about me because I think its about time something was about me for once.  I love my family with my whole heart and I wouldn't want to change that at all but along the way of being a mother then a wife, I lost who I used to be.  I used to be very healthy, still a little heavy but I was so active and walked everywhere and I was so happy and feeling good.  I was very positive and happy, now I have moments where I am like that.  I guess I just want to see me again not this person that is depressed, and thinks and over thinks on things I cannot change.  I wont to take control of the one thing I can change and that is to be ME again !!!!  Thanks for listening to my ramblings all.  Live, laugh and love

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